Monogamy Essay

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In this society, it is usually assumed that one is either single or in some form of monogamous relationship. At best, it is sometimes considered acceptable to play the field if one is not in a committed relationship. If one is in a committed relationship, it is with one person only, and any sexual and/or romantic involvement outside the relationship is cheating. Both of these situations, playing the field and cheating are still often subject to the classic double standard of being more acceptable for men and women.

Long before written history, primitive clans and tribes were living within small, highly inter-dependent social structures. Many of these groups had some type of ceremony marking the forming of a union or marriage between two opposite sex partners. It appears that since we began living in structured social groups, humans have adhered to the belief that formal unions of two people work best for maintaining a healthy, functioning society. Within different societies, independent unions of two people were considered the best way to secure food and shelter, defend against outside aggressors, and raise offspring. As societies evolved, the marriage bond took on increased significance within each culture. One of the most universal aspects of the marriage union to be perpetuated cross-culturally was monogamy. Yet despite this proclivity towards marriage, and insistence that the marriage partners remain monogamous, human beings have been engaging in non-monogamous activities throughout history.

We know that "extramarital affairs" have been going on since the advent of the socially sanctioned union. Our historical concern about affairs is evident in the inclusion of extramarital affairs as one of the sins mentioned in the Ten Commandants. The fact that affairs are wrong, even considered to be a sin has been ingrained into us through our social, cultural and religious upbringing. Yet despite the social and religious disapproval of them, they have been an ever present phenomenon for us to deal with.

So why are so many people having affairs despite such powerful social and religious doctrines against them? The fact is that there have been as many reasons given for affairs as there are people engaging in them. Some of these include dissatisfaction with the marital relationship, emotional emptiness, need for sexual variety, inability to resist new sexual opportunity, anger at a partner, no longer being "in love", alcohol or drug addiction, growing apart, desire to get a partner jealous. Some people have even said that human beings simply can't maintain monogamous sexual relationships over long periods of time because it "isn't natural".

If this is true, if there is a biological reason preventing us from accomplishing our goal of remaining in a monogamous relationship, than we are condemning ourselves to continued personal and social failure by continuing to pursue these types of relationships. On the other hand, despite the fact that affairs have been a problem for married couples throughout history, and that there appears to be an increasing number of affairs at this time, we probably know that human nature is not to blame. At least not in the traditional sense.

Maybe our liking towards affairs is more a symptom of our inability to find satisfaction in our long-term relationships because of the expectations we place on them in the first place, then any biological drive towards multiple sexual partners. Possibly our inability to remain "in love" with our partners as we grow and mature and our life circumstances change is what drives us to look for another intimate relationship.

The loss of that high level of passion and desire that existed in the beginning of the relationship may result in boredom or develop into a feeling of apathy towards the partner. Combined with all of the other stresses and complexities of long term relationships, such as financial problems, raising children, job changes, death of family members, change in status, etc., the loss of passion may lead to a desire to rediscover it in a new relationship.

So it may not be the desire to experience the new or forbidden sexual relationship, but rather the need to re-experience the intense level of passion and the feeling of being in love which leads to affairs. Therefore, extramarital affairs may be the result of an inability to maintain a satisfying emotional relationship with a partner over a long period of time, and not due to a need for sexual variety. Possibly...

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