Tim O Brien Essay
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Tim O'Brien
The terms fear and courage played a major role in the life experience of Tim O'Brien. Like most other young males who just graduated college, in 1968 after graduating from Macalester College in St. Paul, Minnesota, he sought different opportunities in hopes of becoming independent and gaining a career. Before these hopes of opportunity are realized, however, he receives notice that he has been drafted to the Vietnam War. He acknowledges the tragedies that may occur in war, and fears for his life. Generally courage is a way of overcoming fear. However, in O'Brien's supreme perspective, he reveals his extreme fear of courage. He finds himself in a "moral emergency" where he must analyze his perception of courage in order to make such a critical decision (901). After his analysis, he felt that as much as he feared loosing his life in war, he couldn’t reveal that reason for not wanting to go to war to avoid any type of humiliation. He doubted his life if he pursued on with the process of war and therefore made excuses for himself to stay out. Because O'Brien didn't accept the challenge to follow his heart, he took the easy way out and went to war. His lack of courage forced him to live under the circumstance of not believing in him and they’re of continuing by facing the results of his fear of war.
O'Brien compared his thoughts of fear and courage and believed that he had the potential to be full of courage, but does not realize the effort he must contribute. He doesn’t realize that becoming independent is process he must go through in order to make a difference and solve his problems. He doesn’t want to attend war because he fears it, what in the world can he do? Many can answer what they could do but O’Brien was in doubt of what he could do for himself in order to be out of such of a dilemma. He writes "Courage, I seemed to think, comes to us in finite quantities, like an inheritance, and by being frugal and stashing it away and letting it earn interest, we steadily increase our moral capital in preparation for that day when the account must be drawn down" (903). He feels annoyed that either fortunate enough to be inherently courageous, or it is impossible to attain. He considers himself to be unfortunate because he will never be courageous, and therefore begins to fear courage itself. At least his mentality makes him think he is incapable of obtaining any type of courageous stand. Why does he really think this of himself? Could he just be mentally ill? It’s a question that he probably asked himself quite a few times. The reason for these type of feelings is simply because he has showed never to have really taken a stand for himself in any case. Therefore he could not handle the situation from experience. "It was kind of a schizophrenia. A moral split. I couldn't make up my mind" (901). This quote shows that fear of him had a major impact in his life. He could not stand by his beliefs and therefore chose to stand by someone else’s decision for him. O'Brien believed that either you stood by your conscience, or you were a coward. Since he could not follow his conscience he was determined that he was a coward.
Courage can be expressed through certain actions and beliefs. Tim hopes to shine through like a light, or to be able to say and do what he feels rather than giving in to fear. He feels that doing what the government wants is right because of their authority. Under no circumstance does he see himself doing what he wants to do instead he falls into a place of indecisiveness. O’Brien fails to peruse his idea of not attending war and seems to become depressed. "I understood that I would not do what I should do, I would not...
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