Violence Essay
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Fear of Frying and other Fax of Life
By Josh Freed
I was sitting at a busy New York café a few months
ago when a young woman approached my table.
"Excuse me," she said. "I hate to be so bold, but could
I possibly ask you what you're eating, if you don't
mind me asking." In a flash, I knew-she was
Canadian!-and I said so.
"Gee!" she said." "How did you guess?"
Because no one but a Canadian could have asked
such a convoluted question. A Parisienne would
simply have eyed my meal in admiration-or disdain.
An American would have said: "Any good?," and scooped a bit off my plate. But only a
Canadian could create such a timid, tortuous sentence, so dense you could never take
offense, so sweet you could fall asleep.
We are a nation of diplomats, the world's most polite people, trained from childhood to
apologize before we speak. Nothing distinguishes Canadians from our American neighbours
more than our quest for compromise, our relentless search for safe, middle ground.
Bump into an American and he will usually say something straighforward like: "Hey! Watch it,
buddy."
But bump into a Canadian and he will always say the same thing: "I'm sorry."
Then you'll say "No, I'm sorry!" and he'll say: "No, I'm sorry!"-apologizing back and forth till
you're both exhausted. As Canadians we will talk forever, because we are too polite to say
what we mean.
Take our constitutional quarrel ( I wish someone would), where there were no real
statesmen or memorable speeches. Joe Clark, the Nembutal of nation-builders and Robert
Bourassa, the zen master of Confused Federalism, both spoke in sentences of such
mind-numbing tedium no one knew what they wanted--including them.
Instead of a civil war, we waged a civil bore.
It's been like that throughout our history. Other nations celebrate battles, wars and
revolutions. But Canadians celebrate only one date: 1867-Confederation-a series of
meetings. And we've been meeting ever since, addressing our major differences by
avoiding them.
Former Canadian prime minister MacKenzie King faced a political crisis similar to ours, during
World War II. English Canada wanted conscription and...
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