Essay on Against Same Sex Marriages

Free Against Same Sex Marriages papers

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NATIONAL JOURNAL OF SEXUAL ORIENTATION LAW

VOL. 1, ISSUE 1

Mary Sylla, editor (mmsylla@gibbs.oit.unc.edu)

A (Personal) Essay on Same-Sex Marriage

Barbara J. Cox

Professor

California Western School of Law

_________________________________________________________________

Very little since Stonewall, and the break from accepting

the status quo that those riots symbolize, has challenged the

lesbian and gay community as much as the debate we have had over

the past several years on whether seeking the right to marry

should be the focus of our community's efforts, political

influence, and financial resources. As is often true in most

such political debates, both "sides" to the debate make important

arguments about the impact that the right to marry will have on

each member of our community, on the community as a whole, and on

our place in society.

Arguing against same-sex marriage in her article, Since When

is Marriage a Path to Liberation?, Paula Ettelbrick believes that

it will not liberate lesbians and gay men but will make us more

invisible, force assimilation, and undermine the lesbian and gay

civil rights movement. She also argues that it will not

transform society into respecting and encouraging relationship

choice and family diversity, which are primary goals of that

civil rights movement. Ruth Colker in Marriage echoes

Ettelbrick's concerns, arguing that rather than expanding the

couples who can marry, we should change the institution of

marriage to eliminate its marriage-dependent benefits, so that

people will choose it for symbolic, rather than legal or

utilitarian, reasons. She also recognizes the class-based

assumptions inherent in the marriage debate, realizing that for

most poor people, marriage offers few economic advantages.

Nitya Duclos examines four reasons advanced for same-sex

marriage (political reform, public legitimation, socioeconomic

benefits, and safeguarding children of lesbian or gay parents) in

her article, Some Complicating Thoughts on Same-Sex Marriage.

She concludes that the effects of allowing same-sex marriage will

not be felt uniformly throughout lesbian and gay communities and

questions whether it will exacerbate differences of power and

privilege in those communities.

In a companion piece to Ettelbrick's, Thomas Stoddard, in

Why Gay People Should Seek the Right to Marry, while recognizing

the oppressive nature of marriage in its traditional form,

believes that lesbians and gay men should be able to choose to

marry and the civil rights movement should seek full recognition

of same-sex marriages. His three reasons for pursuing this right

are the practical advantages associated with marriage-related

benefits, the political reason that marriage is the issue most

likely to end discrimination against lesbians and gay men, and

the philosophical explanation that lesbians and gay men should

have the right to choose to marry and that providing that right

will be the principal means toward eliminating marriage's sexist

trappings.

Nan Hunter, in Marriage, Law and Gender: A Feminist

Inquiry, argues that legalizing lesbian and gay marriage will

destabilize marriage's gendered definition by disrupting the link

between gender and marriage. She analyzes both marriage and

domestic partnership against the feminist inquiry of how law

reinforces power imbalances within the family and views same-sex

marriage as a means to subvert gender-based power differentials.

Mary Dunlap finds that same-sex marriage is constructive when

lesbians and gay men are encountering gay-bashing resulting from

Bowers. She examines the values underlying the push for same-

sex marriage (such as equality, autonomy, fairness, privacy, and

diversity) and encourages expansion of the marriage debate

outside legal circles. One way to expand this debate is to read

the interviews of lesbian and gay couples, some of whom have

chosen to have public ceremonies celebrating their commitment and

some of whom have chosen to keep their commitment private.

The debate continues to rage, as seen from the recent

articles contained in the Virginia Law Review's symposium

issue. Without resolving the debate here, it seems clear that

obtaining the right to marry will drastically impact the lesbian

and gay civil rights movement. My response to the debate is best

expressed in the following short (and personal) essay, explaining

the vital political change that can result from the simple (and

personal) act of same-sex marriage.

=19es, I know that weddings can be "heterosexual rituals" of

the most repressive and repugnant kind. =19es, I know that

weddings historically symbolized the loss of the woman's self

into that of her husband's, a denial of her existence completely.

=19es, I know that weddings around the world continue to have that

impact on many women and often lead to lives of virtual slavery.

=19es, I know. Then how could a feminist, out, radical lesbian

like myself get married a year ago last April? Have I simply

joined the flock of lesbians and gay men rushing out to

participate in a meaningless ceremony that symbolizes

heterosexual superiority?

...